Is Cutting Ties Part of Self Care?

By now, most of us are probably familiar with the term "cutting off". If you don't know what that means, it's basically ghosting somebody toxic in your life (or somebody that has wronged/taken advantage of you) Many times in life we are faced with the choice of cutting ties or mending a relationship after something goes wrong.. This can go for a family member, an old friend, an ex; the list goes on. But, where is the line between cutting people off for your own emotional well-being and just being emotionally immature?

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You may want to cut ties IF:

  1. You are involved with a narcissist. You probably didn't realize it right away and got really emotionally invested. RUN. This person will suck you dry until there is nothing left of you but a shell that caters only to their feelings. They will #gaslight you and make you feel crazy about having your own feelings and thoughts that contradict them. You probably have even noticed that when you disagree with them or break away in any way, they attempt to change other people's perceptions of you. This is not the kind of person that willingly welcomes critiques of any kind. There's no reasoning with them. This person should definitely be cut off. And even if it's a family member, try to limit your time in their presence for your own sanity.

  2. The person super needy in the relationship. Whether it’s time, money, love, or attention, cut the relationship off if it drains you. They likely can’t reciprocate the energies you give because they're so focused on themselves needing whatever it is they want from you. If you have requested reciprocity and there is no change, you are well within your right to cut this person out of your life. Before you make your decision make sure you give them the chance to change by openly communicating how you feel first.

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It may be time to cut ties if you or your significant other is cheating. You might be in a relationship where your SO has cheated or you are the cheater. If the cheater was forgiven, more power to you both. It can be done with forgiveness, fighting through insecurities in healthy ways, and changed behavior, but some of us don't have the strength lol.

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The relationship might be worth mending if  you have an argument with a friend. Maybe It was epic and  some one hit below the belt or someone aired out the other's dirty laundry (Btw, real friends remain real even after your season is over together. Let's be adults.) Maybe the argument wasn’t that bad but you want your friend to change something about the way they make you feel sometimes. We all have growing to do in different areas. Encourage that growth within the people around you. You may feel that this fight was unforgivable, so you decide to cut them off from your life. Be sure to communicate your intent and express the way you feel in an emotionally mature way. Use these situations as a growing experience. Maybe, sit them down and explain how they hurt you. Then, give them the chance to not only apologize to you, but to also communicate their issues with you. If the relationship is important to both parties, you will teach each other how you want to be treated.

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In addition to talking things out, you may want to consider therapy or look into some self help books/articles. Dig deep into learning your personality type, love languages, and toxic habits for essential personal growth. Ask a parent or friend if there is something you do that makes them angry. Tell them you are serious about improving yourself so they aren't tempted to joke around with you in this particular moment.

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Don't be afraid of change. It's normal, inevitable, and most importantly, completely healthy. Don't feel like you have to lose a relationship every time there is a bad moment and cut people off. If the good outweighs the bad, you may want to consider taking steps to repair things, for the sake of the relationship, and your own personal growth.

Let's practice discernment on who and what to allow in our lives Melanin Girls Club!

Writer,
Kimani W.

Instagram: @_imacreateher for more work